Well here I am and another year has passed. I have no idea how it’s possible for time to march on at the speed of light, but it certainly does. As with every year, I like to reflect and look back on what my year, and the year of my family looks like. I want to see what we can do to live our best lives. That’s the goal here, right?
I just finished out the holiday season with loads of family in town. We ate, drank, laughed until our cheeks hurt, and had a wonderful time being together. It really was the most wonderful of holiday seasons. Now the decorations are being packed away and it’s time to clean, organize, and refresh, which I love.
But with the family here, and all of the entertaining, comes NO sleep. I’m an insomniac by nature, and when I’m feeling overwhelmed, it hits ten-fold. I’m tired, like down to my bones tired. So as I lay there the other night wide awake again, I reflected. Here’s what I came up with.
Since 2013, I have been choosing a word to focus on throughout the year. I think about all of the ways that I can improve myself, and the ways I can be a better wife, mom, sister, friend, and the list goes on. As I lay there, I thought about a blog I wrote quite a while back, called “Dear Younger Me!” And I got to wondering what my twenty something year-old self might think of my almost forty-eight year old self. I thought about the way that I cook, and entertain as much as I possibly can. I thought about the way I love people so much through my food. I thought about how my life long love for design and decorating has transferred into a job change, where I am happier than I have been in such a long time. I thought about setting a beautiful table, and wishing my mom were here to see it, and if she would be proud of me. But most of all, I thought about the fact that I am absolutely certain that that 20 year-old would be thoroughly impressed.
I don’t say that to boast, I say that because I am my own worst enemy, I think many of us are. I am so hard on myself, and I forget to give myself grace, which I desperately need. But I lie there in bed feeling so completely excited and happy at how beautiful the house looked, how wonderful the food was, and how utterly blessed I was, and am, to have such an incredible family to love and to cherish that tears ran down my cheeks. I could not be more pleased with where I am in my life, and all that I have accomplished. I don’t think I ever could have imagined that this is where my life would be all those years ago. I’m one lucky girl!! Now does this mean I don’t have a way to go? No! Does this mean that I am no longer hard on myself? No! Does this mean I won’t have to talk myself off a ledge multiple times this year? Umm, most certainly not. It just means that life is too short to be so hard on myself. I have to remember that if I could go back in time and look into my future, that young woman would be pleased with what she sees, I just know she would. So go there! Really look at yourself! I think you will feel the same. But if for some reason you don’t, then think about the way you can get to that place of happiness and love of yourself.
Last year my word was forgiveness. I needed to forgive others, and I needed to forgive myself. Here is last year’s blog if you missed it, but this year after pondering, thinking, praying, and wondering what word would speak to me, grace is what came into my head and would not leave. I must give myself grace. I must find grace. Grace to fail, grace to achieve, grace to feel, really feel, the things that I need to. Grace as a Christian is “the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.” Another way to look at it is as simple as courteous goodwill. So that is what I am going to focus on in this new year. I hope to allow grace into my life, and trust that I am also worthy of grace. After all, I believe that we are ALL worthy of grace.
Happy New Year! I hope that you find a word that speaks to you and can help you live your best life. Thanks for following along with me on all of my adventures this year. I cannot tell you how much I love and appreciate you. Now go kick 2020’s ass!! I mean it! I’m talking to you. Get out there and kill this year in the best way possible. We are not promised tomorrow, so don’t wait. It may be too late.
Cheers, so much love, and lots of grace in this new year!